Denial
by Klutzygirl33
Summary: AU set after In My Time of Dying. Following John's death, Sam slips into denial and can't be convinced that John really is dead.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

**Prologue**

When the doctor called time of death on John at 10:41, Sam passed out. "What's wrong with him," Dean cried.

"We're not sure yet, explained a nurse. Please go back to your room and the doctor will be with you shortly. We will also need to discuss arrangements about your father."

Dean called Bobby as soon as he got back to his room. "I can't believe you're up," Bobby said.

"Dad's dead," Dean answered.

"What are you talking about," Bobby asked.

"I woke up and Dad died a few minutes later. Sammy passed out. The doctors are examining him now."

"I'll get there as soon as I can," Bobby answered.

Dean sighed. "Bye, Bobby". He hung up the phone.

Dean felt numb. He wasn't sure what to think or feel. He was extremely worried about his little brother.

Twenty minutes later, the doctor stepped in. "What's wrong with my brother," Dean asked.

"Mr. McGillicuddy, your brother checked himself out of the hospital AMA after the accident. He has a concussion, some bruises and cuts, and whiplash. Samuel passed out because of stress related to your father's death. He hasn't woken up yet."

"It's Sam, answered Dean absently. He'll be fine, right Doc?"

"He'll be fine. He just needs rest. I'm sorry about your loss."

"Can I stay with my brother," Dean asked.

"Of course," the doctor answered.

The nurse wheeled Dean into Sam's room. She left and went to check on another patient.

"Hey, little brother. You need to wake up. You're the only person I have left in this world. I need you to wake up, Sammy. I'm not sure what's going to happen next."

Sam still refused to wake up. "Come on little brother," cajoled Dean.

About six hours after John's death, Sam's eyes finally fluttered open.

"Hey," said Dean.

"Hey," replied Sam.

"Are you okay, Sammy?"

"Yeah. I'm just in a little bit of pain, but it's nothing I can't deal with."

"Do you remember what happened with Dad," asked Dean.

Sam nodded. "We got in a car accident because of a semi. You were in coma and woke up. Dad left to go off to fight The Demon for revenge, because that's all he cares about."

Dean could only stare in shock at Sam.

"What's wrong," Sam asked.

Dean didn't answer, but he knew something was very wrong with his brother. He just wasn't sure what.

TBC

I've had this idea in my head for a long time. I'm kinda experiencing writer's block on Love and Pain, so I decided to start this now.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural

Chapter Two

Dean stormed into the doctor's office.

"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked him.

"My brother doesn't remember that our dad's dead," Dean answered.

The doctor looked alarmed. "We'll run some tests again, but he may just be in denial," he explained.

"What are you talking about," Dean asked.

"When someone close to them dies, some people will refuse to believe it. They go into denial. They come out of it eventually. It's one of the five stages of grief. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Your brother may go through one, such as denial, or he may go through them all. It's hard to tell."

The doctor went into Sam and Dean's shared room.

"How are you feeling," the doctor asked Sam.

"My head hurts a little," Sam explained.

"That's normal with a concussion, Mr. McGillicuddy. We're going to run a few tests on you."

"How are you feeling," Dean asked Sam.

"I already told the doctor," Sam whined.

"Quit whining, Samuel," Dean warned, although he still felt numb from his father's death. He wasn't about to take a whining Sammy.

Being called Samuel by his older brother quickly shut Sam up. He went in for the test results.

The results came back several hours later.

"There's nothing wrong with him except for the concussion," the doctor explained to Dean.

"When can we leave," Dean asked.

"You and Sam are both fine, so I don't see no reason why you can't be discharged now."

Dean and Sam checked out of the hospital about an hour later, after Bobby came and picked them up.

"I'm sorry about your loss," Bobby said.

"What loss," asked Sam.

"Your daddy," Bobby answered.

"Dad's fine, Sam said snippily. He ran out on us again after Dean woke up."

Bobby exchanged a look with Dean and Dean mouthed "denial".

Nothing was said for the rest of the car ride home.

Things were going to get tough for the Winchesters later on. Dean needed to take care of Sam, but he didn't know how to grieve at the same time.

TBC


	3. Sam's View On Things

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Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.

**Sam's View on Things**

Sam didn't know what was going on with his going on his brother. "He's acting weird," Sam had declared to Bobby two days after leaving the hospital. Bobby had given him a weird, which Sam still didn't understand why.

Sam also didn't understand why Bobby and Dean were lying. They were trying to tell him that John was dead, but Sam knew better. John was back on the road, hunting for the demon. He had abandoned Sam.

Dean was working on the Impala, which Sam was grateful for. That meant that Dean wouldn't tell him lies about Dad being dead.

Both Dean and Bobby wanted Sam to see a therapist, but Sam refused. He wasn't even sure why they wanted him to go to therapy. They probably wanted him to believe that Dad really was dead. But Dad wasn't dead. Sam wished people would stop saying he was.

Sam and Dean had been hunting a clown a week earlier (Sam was still having nightmares about clowns mixing in with bright light and the sound of twisting metal.) when the two had met Ellen and Jo Harvelle. Dean had told them that John was dead, but Sam had told them that Dean was lying. John was fine. He was out on the road.

Dean had gone into a back room and talked with Ellen and Jo for awhile. Sam wasn't sure what that talk had been about, but he was pretty sure Dean had hit on Jo.

Sam wanted to go and find his father after the car was fixed, but Dean had said no. "You're being selfish," Sam had screamed at Dean after he said no.

Sam was going to prove to his brother that John wasn't dead. Because he wasn't.

TBC

* * *

I wanted to Sam's point-of-view on his father "being out on the road." I think I really got into his head here.


	4. Penultimate Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.

**Penultimate Chapter**

It had been two months since John's death, and Dean was worried about his younger brother. Sam was still in denial and wanted to go back on the road to find their father.

"I'll find him," Sam had declared to Dean a week earlier before going to bed. After Sam had fallen asleep, Dean had gone into the kitchen and cried for half an hour.

"I'm going with or without you to find Dad," Sam told his brother.

"Samuel Matthew Winchester, you will not," Dean scolded. Sam blanched at the use of his full name, but continued trying to convince Dean to go with him.

"You are not going. If you do, there will be consequences, Samuel," warned Dean.

"I hate you," Sam screamed and ran outside. Dean rolled his eyes at his brother's attempt to lash out at him.

When Sam returned an hour later, he had finally calmed down. He still thought Dean was lying about their dad's death, but he felt guilty about telling Dean he hated him.

Sam had a plan: He was going to drug Dean, put him in one of Bobby's cars, and go find their father. It was the perfect plan.

When Dean came downstairs, Sam tried to act normal. Unfortunately, he had never been able to lie to his brother.

Like always, Dean said right through it. "Samuel, what are you planning," he asked.

"Nothing," Sam lied frantically. Dean stared at his brother suspiciously.

"I was going to drug you and go find Dad to prove to you that he's not dead," Sam confessed.

"Samuel Matthew Winchester," scolded Dean.

"I'm sorry," Sam cried.

"Dad's dead and he's not coming back," Dean screamed.

"You're lying," Sam accused.

"He's dead and you're not accepting that," Dean screamed.

"You're lying," Sam cried again.

"Dad died because he wanted me to live," Dean screamed.

TBC

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Sorry this chapter is so short. I ran out of ideas, but I finished the last chapter before this one so I had to lead into it. Continue on.


	5. Final Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.

**Final Chapter**

Sam's face crumpled as the truth finally started to sink in about John's death.

"You're lying," Sam sobbed in a last ditch effort to hold onto his denial.

"I'm not lying," Dean gently told his baby brother.

"You're lying because Daddy can't be dead," Sam sobbed.

Dean went pale at Sam referring to their father as Daddy for the first time in fifteen years. "He is dead, Kiddo," Dean said.

"Daddy's not dead," Sam wept. Bobby came into the kitchen just as the last of Sam's denial slipped away.

"He is dead," Dean gently insisted.

"But he can't be," Sam sobbed.

"But he is," Dean said. Bobby chose to stay out of the conversation, waiting until the time was right to join in.

"The last thing Daddy and I ever did was fight," sobbed Sam.

"He knew you loved him," Dean said.

"Did Daddy love me still," a broken and sobbing Sam asked.

"Of course he did," Dean said.

"I don't want him to bed," the sobbing twenty-three year old explained.

"You don't have a choice," Dean told him.

"I didn't get to say goodbye," Sam sobbed.

Dean winced for a brief second because he and John had said goodbye in their own way. "That isn't fair," Dean acknowledged.

"I want Daddy back," Sam wailed.

Both Bobby and Dean winced at the sheer volume of Sam's voice. "Daddy can't come back, Baby, and I'm sorry for that," Dean comforted. He had reverted back to the usage of Daddy for Sam because his younger brother had reverted back to his five year old personality.

"Bring him back," Deanie Beanie," Sammy begged.

Dean sighed at the use of the nickname that Sam had stopped calling him back in 1992. "Baby, if I could bring him back, I would," Dean told his brother.

Sam's knees buckled. Dean caught him and they sat down on the floor together. Sam laid his head against Dean's shoulder.

"I miss him," Sam whispered hoarsely, his sobs finally dying down.

"I miss him too," Dean confessed.

"It's okay to miss him," Bobby told the boys, sitting down next to them.

"Hi, Uncle Bobby," Sam said. Bobby hid his shock well since Sam hadn't called him that since he had been eleven.

"I'm sorry I didn't believe Daddy was dead," Sam told his brother.

"It's okay, Kiddo. You were just in denial and it happens to a lot of people."

"I love you," Sam told Dean. Dean smiled. They were knee-deep in a chick flick moment, and were only getting deeper.

"I love you too," Dean said.

"I love both of you like you were my own," Bobby told them.

"We love you too," Sam told him, head still on Dean's shoulder.

"Let's go to bed," Dean told his brother. Sam nodded.

"Can I sleep in the bed with you?" Dean nodded.

"We'll see you in the morning," Dean told Bobby as the three got off the floor.

"I'll be in town mostly all day," Bobby said.

Dean went to head for the bedroom, and Sam grabbed his hand.

Dean stared at his brother. "I don't want to let you out of my sight," Sam confessed. HE was using his puppy dog eyes, so Dean couldn't resist, and just let it go.

The boys slipped into bed after changing into their pajamas. Sam snuggled in next to his brother.

When Dean woke up the next morning, Sam was still sleeping. Dean untangled himself from his brother and went downstairs after going to the bathroom. Bobby was in the kitchen.

"Is he still sleeping," Bobby asked Dean. Dean nodded.

"He was exhausted," Dean said to Bobby. Bobby sighed.

"I know you're still grieving, but the grief's new to Sam. He's going to need your help," Bobby told him.

"I will," Dean promised. Bobby left ten minutes later, while Dean sat down at the table.

Sam came downstairs twenty minutes later, looking apprehensive.

"What's up," Dean asked.

"I'm sorry about last night. You didn't need me breaking down on you about Dad's death when you've been grieving alone for two past two months," Sam said.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Kiddo. You did nothing wrong. I'm grieving about Dad, but you needed to grieve more than me," Dean said.

Sam smiled.

The two boys were grieving, but they would get through it together.

That's what family was for. Sam was out of his denial and things were finally looking up.

The End

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I wrote this chapter before I wrote last chapter. It just came to me. It took me about an hour to write this chapter. This is my favorite chapter out of them all.


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